ambivalentmonk
Results 01-27-08 14:46
Well, I talked to her the morning after. I had a whole speech thought up beforehand that went out the window when we started talking. I can see my growth in this little exchange alone. Instead of fighting to win the argument or be the 'right' person, I argued to understand, and to be understood. I left my pride out, and came to the table with nothing except a hope of communication.

It used to be so difficult for me to say sorry. Not anymore. Not when I know I'm wrong, even if I had a good reason.

I guess I was a total asshole the night before...and I'm glad she called me out for it. It gave me an opportunity to talk with her, and develop a stronger relationship. It was kind of awkward after we did talk, but before long we were laughing and happy and hugging like before.

It’s strange to say, but I am happy that I was challenged. And ultimately, it gave me an opportunity to express why I was so mean, and what had been bothering me. And I’m glad that Bryan and Adelle were there to stop me from doing something more stupid than I did.

Depressing as it may sound, I’m sure something like this will happen again. Conflicts are forks in the road that can lead to more closeness or distance, more respect or more anger, and that’s a choice that we have control over.
I don't know how to put it.
This is more for me than anyone else, so I can have my thoughts clear and collected tomorrow morning when I talk to her.

I just feel like since we've 'been in a relationship', she's acted really weird around me. One on one, we're fine, great, even, but when even one more person is involved, I feel like she puts me at the rock bottom. I feel like she treats me like shit, for whatever reason.

I understand that she's probably scared and unsure of how we are going to be. WELL SO AM I. I AM FUCKING TERRIFIED. That doesn't give me a reason to treat you like SHIT, though! I just feel like she is starting to treat me differently, and not in a good way. Whenever we're together in a group, I notice that she treats me a little worse, as if she's afraid to show any affection towards me. I know she likes me, because when there's no one around, she's like a dream to be around. But for some reason...

Whatever. I feel weird fretting about something that should really be frivolous, but I am. I notice that she tends to flirt with other guys more, and that she doesn't treat me as well.

The issue I have with it is that I think that relationships should be, first and foremost, friendships, and everything else second. And I felt like since we've become 'together', so to speak, she's been different around me, and definitely not like a friend.

I really need to talk to her about it...because I guess she's noticed that I've been upset about it. I just need to do it when I'm sober...
Learning to Swing 01-23-08 18:39
Nostalgia of our childhood, teenage years, and even high school years runs fairly common amongst us college students. Countless times, I have found myself in a conversation reminiscing about climbing trees, Sesame Street, little league sports, and how simple life was back then. As eager and anticipant as I am towards the future, I find myself fixated on the past quite often. Reflecting on the past, more often than not, has lent itself useful and relevant to the present.

Swings are particularly meaningful to me, because I never knew how to pump when I was young. For the life of me, I could not sync my legs to keep me swinging. When I was smaller, I never had to learn because my parents had always been there to push me and keep me going. I gave up after trying a few times on my own, and never went on the swings again.

The swings represented a challenge that I was unable to overcome for the younger part of my childhood. And it was a challenge where my triumph over it would mark independence. The first time I really was able to swing on my own was when I was 12. I finally tried again and realized that I had to use my whole body to keep swinging. The technique was somewhat of a revelation. But what was more important was the fact that I had finally overcome this childish, simple, yet strangely important obstacle.

The other day, I went to a playground. I found myself on the swings. As I pumped back and forth with ease, arcing like a pendulum and reaching for the sky, I started thinking about how my eventual success over the swings was a parallel to my growth. More specifically, I started thinking about how I am growing out of my parents care, and how as young saplings, we must all grow outside of the shade of our parent trees.

I thought about my last stay at home, over winter break. As enjoyable as it was, it began to drag around the third week, and I felt strangely tense and uncomfortable at home. A few days before I moved back to my swings.jpgapartment, I realized what it was: home just wasnt home for me anymore. Despite my parents house being five times as large as my apartment, I felt cooped up and restless. It was at that moment that I realized that I was growing out of my family. I needed the emotional space to venture out into the world. While my parents would always have my back, I would need to face the world on my own.

My parents have helped me swing for the last 20 years. And in some ways, they are still helping me swing. But slowly, and surely, I am learning to swing on my own. And while not perfect, Im slowly gaining the momentum and the technique to swing higher and higher. We, as college students, are all in this situation, in one form or another. And we must all learn to swing on our own.
Might as well 01-22-08 15:33
Check out
uoregon.edu/~vfsa/telling

This is the website for a play I am doing Publicity for and starring in on February 8-10th.
Wow 01-22-08 15:25
In the period of 6 hours, I got more replies on my re-direct post than I have for any of my 200+ wordpress posts.
Y'all totally just sold me based on the attention alone.
01-22-08 09:02
Please direct all views to ambivalentmonk.wordpress.com
Hello, 01-22-08 09:00
Hello my name is ambivalentmonk. I'm new to elowel.
ambivalentmonk